It's a crazy life!

So, I survived week one as well as the first day of week two. I wasn't sure I would! I feel empowered! I can do this :) If this is the only thing I can control in my life, I will do it :)

Day 2

Another day down! I remembered that I'm way too busy tonight to go running, but I had time this morning. :) I went at about 7 all by myself. It was nice. Harder than Saturday when I had a buddy, but it still was good. I'm looking forward to Wednesday!!!

I did it!

One day down, 26 to go ;) That's ok. I feel GREAT!!! I was able to run every time I was supposed to. I even sprinted the last 20 seconds. I honestly cannot wait until Monday to do it all over again :D

So, if anyone wants to join me Monday at 8:10pm, comment here :) Also, "Skipper", I don't have your phone number anymore, so will you email it to me?

New Plan ;)

Ok, so I have to change my plan slightly. Chip has scouts on Tuesday nights. Has for quite some time. Not sure how I forgot that one. OOPS!!!

So, I'm now running Saturdays, Mondays, and Wednesdays with occasional Fridays. Also, I've had quite a few friends offer to join me. HOORAY!!! I think we could all do it together, if you want to :)

So, leave me a comment if you want to be a part of this group and make sure to include your email address and phone number ('cause I just might not have it any more!) and I promise I will not post any comments with personal info.

I love you guys!

TIRED!

Ok, here goes another somewhat whiny post. However, it gets good at the end (which may not be so far away!).

I'm TIRED of having my life on hold! There, I said it. I feel like I've put a hold on my life for the nearly two years we've been trying for another baby. I've stopped exercising, I say "I shouldn't eat this" and then do anyway, my house is a disaster, I feel like I neglect my kids, and I don't feel attractive (even though my hubby says I am). I feel fat and lazy. I use my miscarriage as an excuse. I'm ENTITLED to eat these cookies, I've lost a baby recently. I'm ENTITLED to lay in bed all morning because I miscarried. This has got to stop!!!

So, here is my new goal. Couch to 5K in 10 weeks. I downloaded a program and there are podcasts to help. All I need is someone to make sure I get out there and DO IT! So, any of my readers want to join me? We could meet somewhere in the middle and do it together. I need someone who will do this program with me, not try to deviate. We can do this together! It would probably be best to do it in the evening after my hubby gets home or *shudder* early in the morning before he leaves. I don't want to push a stroller, KWIM? It would be on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and every other Monday starting week 5. Here is another thought. Anyone willing to watch my kids 3-4 nights a week and Chip and I could do it together? I'm SURE I will not do it on my own, but I'm also sure I can do it with someone :)

I start Tuesday!

Spiritual things

I have been struggling lately with feeling spiritual. This happened before with my first miscarriage, although it was a lot harder that time. This time, I'm just trying to not fall into the same abyss. So, a couple of weeks ago, I figured going to the temple would be a great way to feel better. I honestly thought if I could just feel the spirit a little, I could start to heal faster.

Well, I was wrong. I was entirely too emotional to feel much of anything spiritual during the session. I went by myself so I could just concentrate on what I felt I needed. Also, I wanted to stay in the Celestial room as long as it took to feel better. It didn't happen. I got kicked out of the Celestial room because it was time for the temple to close. I totally understand that these lovely people had been there all day, and shouldn't have to stay just because of me. I get that. I left the room sobbing.

So, then conference was this weekend. For some reason, I didn't think that Grief+Conference+PMS would equal a horrible conference experience. A bunch of my facebook friends kept saying how wonderful conference was on Saturday, and I just had to shake my head. Apparently they didn't hear what I heard. I heard that I should get over myself. I am failing as a parent. I'm failing life in general.

Then came Sunday morning. I was prepared for more negative messages. And then Elder Donald L. Hallstrom got up and spoke. He talked of losing babies. Of losing loved ones. In my heart, I felt more understood, validated in my grief. And then he mentioned what would be a good next step for me to take. I need to listen to it again and get going. I was motivated by his talk and filled with hope.

I am so thankful that Heavenly Father answered my pleadings, even though it was much later than I had hoped for. I know in my head that it's not about my time, it's about His time. It's hard for my heart to accept that right now, but what else can I do?

I still have good times :)

I've been thinking that this blog is getting a bit depressing. I know I'll be posting more tearjerkers, but this morning I wanted to write a funny post.

My mom keeps a comb in her church bag for my kids to play with during Sacrament Meeting to keep them quiet. Well, it's mostly for my two-year old, Buddy. So, yesterday Buddy decided that daddy needed his hair done. After two or three swipes with the comb he looks up and says-to daddy- "Now you're a beautiful princess!"

Yes, we were cracking up as quietly as possible. Not sure what was said during that time because I thought I would die from laughter. Totally unexpected :)

Yesterday was also a day of growing up. Sissa lost her 3rd tooth, one on the top. It was very funny. I told her that her tooth looked funny and she went to my parents' bathroom to check if it was bleeding. She comes out and says "it's coming! I just felt a pop!" and it was bleeding like crazy. Of course my dad offers to help but she says she can do it. After three brave tugs, it came out! She was so proud of herself. I got the biggest kick out of her new lisp! I'm sure her speech will correct itself, but for now, I'll just smile at the cuteness.

See, I'm not an emotional wreck ALL the time ;)