Feeling so blessed

I can not believe the turn this year has taken. It started out so difficult in February with my miscarriage and then thinking this one would miscarry as well in June. I've been obsessed with having a baby for two years now. I feel so blessed that I don't worry about getting pregnant anymore. It's been very stressful.

Yesterday we went to the dr. for an appointment as well as our ultrasound. We decided to take Sis with us because we figured she could handle sitting quietly while watching. She did fantastic! Also, I think having her there really motivated the technician to find out the sex of our baby because she kept talking about how happy she would be to have a sister.

Well, Sis got her wish! We are having a baby girl. She is perfect as far as we can see and she's measuring right on for my due date. Her name will likely be Rosalie Joy because she has already filled our lives with so much joy. The pictures we got of her are so precious. She is so loved already.

I can't wait to meet her!

not much going on...YAY!

After going through such a CRAZY June, I'm happy to report that life is pretty boring at the moment. Sis is getting very excited to go to school next week. What is she most looking forward to? Eating lunch at school. LOL! Even trying new food. I read her the menu for September and she said she was fine with trying everything. I guess it's time for me to let go and let her decide what she'll eat for lunch. A couple of days being really hungry after not eating much may cure her of all sorts of pickyness ;)

Buddy is growing up so quickly. Today while he was chattering at me (you know how 3 year-olds are) I noticed that I could understand nearly everything he said very clearly. In fact, the times I don't understand him are because he's using either a made-up word or the wrong word and I haven't caught on yet.

Both kids have grown significantly in the last year. Sis has grown 2 inches since October and Buddy an inch since May. I am so blessed to have these children as mine to raise.

Chip and I have gone to marriage counseling. Ok, not what you think! It's a study at the local university and we decided it would be an easy $20 :) So, we each had to fill out a survey on our relationship. Not that it will surprise anyone here, but the girl in charge of our "case" was highly impressed that we work so well together. It was a little difficult to set goals for us to work on as we didn't have any weaknesses the survey is meant to uncover so they can be fixed. I am in no way saying we have the perfect relationship. I guess I'm saying we've decided what is important in our married life and have stuck to it. We have similar values and goals and that helps us get to where we want to be.

I am so blessed to be married to Chip. I really don't think I'm very easy to live with, but he insists he wouldn't have me any other way. What a guy! Especially to say that after the last three months I've put him through (aka. 1st trimester). He is an amazing husband and father. I don't know how I got him, but I'm so glad I did!

My Last Day

Today is my last day in the first trimester! I cannot believe I'm here. I've really begun to wonder if I can handle three kids. My poor children are suffering through my pregnancy almost as much as I am! I cannot believe how little patience I have when I don't feel well. I'm really looking forward to the second trimester. I hope it treats me well. I need a break :)

In other news, I'm going to my 10 year high school reunion in the next couple of weeks. How can I be that old? LOL! I am so looking forward to meeting up with old friends. I can't deny that it's going to be nice to be in maternity clothes and actually looking pregnant instead of just fat.

Life is good!

Looking good!

So, I went to my dr. today and everything looks great. We got to hear the heartbeat and it was good and strong. I don't get sick nearly as often and I've actually gained a little bit of weight during this 1st trimester. I'm not exactly thrilled about that since I usually lose 10-15 pounds and then gain it back plus just a little bit by the delivery. I'm really going to have to watch it to make sure I don't gain too much this time.

We're having a baby!!!

Need to update...

I really need to update, but I don't have much to say yet. I go in for another appointment tomorrow as a normal prenatal visit. I hope it stays normal! I have no reason to believe that anything is wrong, but I'm still nervous. When you've been on this road so many times, it's hard to just let go and enjoy the ride.

Some of you wanted to know why I fainted a couple of weeks ago. My dr said my irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) has been acting up and put me on stool softeners. Aren't you all glad you know that about me? LOL! So, I'm fine and the baby should be.

Keeping my fingers crossed!

Dreams really do come true

I cannot begin to describe the amount of shock I experienced this afternoon. I can tell you events and even how my heart sped up at moments, but not the shock.

We had a dr appointment at 9:15 this morning. I actually hoped that we'd see something on the screen. I wanted to see a baby and a flicker. Mostly, I wanted to show the dr and nurse that they were wrong. Talk about competitive!

*skip if you're squeamish about womanly stuff* So, during the u/s, my dr could not find my uterus. He actually did a quick exam to find out where it was so he could angle the wand correctly. Well, we STILL couldn't see inside the uterus very well. He thought maybe he could see the gestational sack and maybe a yolk sack, but nothing besides that. Not wanting to do the D&C if there was a risk there was a healthy baby there, he sent me to the hospital for a second opinion.

So, at 1:00 we went to the hospital. The technicians there were so nice. They told me as soon as they saw the baby and they showed me the heartbeat. I was floored! There was a heartbeat!!! That means there is a BABY and it's ALIVE!!! I was even too shocked to cry (although I don't think Chip was. Saw him adjusting his glasses a bit too often).

I can never again question the presence of miracles in my life. The unthinkable, as far as this pregnancy is concerned, has happened. Nothing was looking good, and yet, God granted me the miracle of seeing my little one doing well. What a testimony builder! Miracles happen, prayers ARE answered, and dreams really do come true.

Feelings

I admit, my feelings have me down right scared. I don't want to say them aloud and be found out that I feel this way. I realize this is just grief, but it's true. This m/c has effected me negatively so much more than my last one. I think I'm crying a lot more, I can't stand to be around people (church was torture), and I have thoughts come to my head questioning things I've always believed to be true.

Case in point. During church today, we had a wonderful newly married young man come and speak to the primary about the Holy Ghost. He told a cute little story about a toy that he loved so much and losing a piece of that toy, saying a prayer, and the Spirit guiding him to find that piece. Want to know what was going through my mind? Apparently God doesn't answer my prayers or any on my behalf. Also, that God cares more about toys than broken hearts.

Silly, right? I know there have been times in my life where I've felt the Spirit, but lately I haven't.

Like I said, grief is the cause, and I think I'll feel better in a few months. I'd say hope, but I don't hope anymore right now...

PS: My numbers didn't double. They went up, but not nearly enough. I go in Tuesday and probably have another u/s just to be sure, then off to surgery. Oh, AND because of surgery, I won't be running in July. Things just keep snowballing.